Lisa LeBlancIs it self-care or selfish? We are all free to create our own path, do whatever we want, yet sometimes we don’t because we are afraid. We are afraid of what people will think, afraid of failing, afraid we are being selfish, and afraid others will judge us and make us feel bad.
Wouldn’t it be nice…
When was the last time you poured a glass of wine and had a bubble bath without even a slight feeling of letting someone down or worrying about something else you ‘should’ be doing?
When is the last time you decided that laundry could wait, sat down for a while AND didn’t feel bad at all for doing it?
These thoughts that maybe we are being selfish are often what stop us from even SEEING the path that we could create. We don’t explore what is possible for ourselves, we shut it down before it even comes up. As moms, sisters, daughters, and friends we have responsibilities and people count on us. We can’t just make selfish decisions that could impact the way people think about us, can we?
I’m here to tell you that you CAN. You can make changes in your life without paying with guilt like you might be used to. You can create a new path, or even explore what paths are out there for you without being afraid.
Are weekends away Self-care or Selfish?
I used to run scrapbooking retreats. We would go to a cottage resort or center that had a nice big room with great lighting to do our scrapbooking and they would make our meals and we would hang out like a big slumber party and enjoy our craft. I used to coach my clients then to plan these weekends for themselves, and I would make sure they were pampered and cared for throughout the weekend because I knew they didn’t often take time to themselves. Frequently they saw themselves as being selfish taking this time away from their families. But every one of them would go home refreshed and appreciative of the time they were away.
Is it Self-Care or Selfish to put yourself first?
We all need to put ourselves first sometimes. We are the one and only person that we are going to be with for our entire lives. You can’t escape yourself. Why not learn to love, honour, and cherish yourself like you might have vowed to on your wedding day? Why not give yourself the unconditional love we give our children and our pets? We can love and treat ourselves just like we would a best friend if we put our minds to it. What if taking care of us and putting ourselves first was the obvious choice not the guilt-ridden one?
Is it Self-care or Selfish to change careers?
Sometimes putting yourself first appears in an even bigger way than a bubble bath or a weekend away. Two years ago, I left my 20-year career to figure out what I wanted to do when I ‘grew up’. This was a decision that had a huge impact on my entire family. With no income, no idea of what I wanted to do, there were a lot of unknowns and financial uncertainty. However, I decided that I wanted to focus on myself and figure out where that would take me. Even though I felt guilty and worried about judgment, I learned that it was ok. I continued my journey and I learned so much about myself. As a result not only did I lose 80 lbs but I am also a Certified Life Coach now. I could not be more proud that I am showing up as an example of what is possible.
Prioritizing yourself doesn’t have to mean changing a career like I did or even getting away for a whole weekend. It can be as simple as going on a walk, sitting on the couch listening to your favorite music, or taking time to check in with yourself.
Is it Self-Care or Selfish to do what you enjoy?
Have you ever really answered the question – what do I enjoy and how can I do more of that?
If you are always feeling like you ‘should’ or ‘have to’ do this or that, like feed your kids or exercise, then maybe you need to connect with yourself more. Some people don’t realize that you do not HAVE to feed your kids or do anything else for that matter. You may find that kids get louder or more obnoxious when you don’t, or that Child Protective Services shows up and takes them away. However, you still didn’t ‘have to” feed them. Don’t get me wrong or start sending me hate-mail. I’m not actually suggesting you don’t feed your children! When you see things as ‘shoulds’ or ‘have tos’ then you act out of guilt not love. We feed our children because we love them and care about their growth and comfort.
In these days of frustrating virtual learning and limited extracurricular activities or playdates, I hear so many should’s from parents. We give away so much joy and love when we do things from a sense of feeling guilty or resentment. When parents prioritize themselves they don’t end up loving others at the expense of loving themself.
Is it Self-Care or Selfish to know what you want in life?
You are free to create your own path, do whatever you want. When you prioritize yourself you slow down and let go of guilt, fear, ‘shoulds’ or ‘have tos’. If you think you are being selfish then ask yourself if that is even true. Is putting yourself first really being selfish when it can help you to feel love when you care for others? When fear of what people will think, of failing, or being selfish is gone you allow yourself to enjoy. This is how we get so much more out of our lives.
As a coach, I guide clients through the steps to see what is blocking the path they want. We figure out together how to put these concepts to work in their life. When we put ourselves first and figure out our own happiness, we make a huge difference in the lives of everyone around us. I can show you how in a free discovery session.
