Lisa LeBlancWhen you think about mentally preparing for the holidays what comes up? Usually, it’s the food, the decorations, the gifts to buy and wrap. How often do you feel judged or do people annoy you though? What if you could prepare for that too and change the outlook you have on seeing family or friends?
I coached a client on this the other day. What to do for that feeling that comes up when family comes over during the holidays and they make comments about the way you live your life. These encounters can be frustrating or even annoying sometimes.
It’s one of those things that can have us not looking forward to getting together with people.
We also all have those relatives who drive us crazy with their comments. They say things that are rude or might ask questions that are none of their business. They make comments without any filter at all and it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable. Basically, they drive us crazy.
What I told my client is that preparing themselves for this ahead of time, mentally, is the key.
You already know who these relatives are and we know they will trigger you to be annoyed or frustrated in one way or another.
What if you took away their power over your emotions?
If you were in a snowball fight and you saw a snowball flying straight at you – what would you do? You probably wouldn’t stand there just waiting for it to hit you. More likely you’d get out of the way.
So why not get out of the way of peace this holiday season and mentally prepare yourself with ways to NOT feel annoyed or be frustrated?
The easiest way to do this is to remind yourself that you know their comments are coming. Allow yourself to hear them without believing what they are saying. If you don’t make their comments mean anything about you at all then they won’t bother you the same way. Your Uncle can say things like “you look like you’ve put on weight this year” and you can thank him for noticing the same as if he said, “what a nice day it is outside”.
If you prepare yourself for a comment like that you’ll find that when they say it you’ll be able to have a more neutral reaction. What might come to mind is “Oh, there it is! There’s the comment I’ve been expecting.” Rather than thinking – the nerve of him – how dare he say that about me!
It’s like putting up an umbrella when it’s raining. It doesn’t stop the rain from happening – it just stops you from getting wet.
So take a few minutes one day to mentally prepare for the holidays and think of all the situations that you anticipate could be awkward, frustrating, or annoying, and then give yourself permission to NOT feel that way this year.
Remind yourself that you getting annoyed doesn’t change the way that person behaves, just like an umbrella doesn’t make it stop raining. It sure does help you though.
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