Lisa LeBlancAs I shared last week, most mornings I have a mocha smoothie in this very large mug. This smoothie is part of my morning ritual where I plan my day, set my goals, and journal. This is ME time. The mug also reminds me of a very special day I spent painting ceramics with my adult daughters. We went to one of those shops where you choose an unfinished ceramic piece, they give you paints and help you finish it. I chose to paint this mug so it could be something I’d see every day. It turns out this mug is obnoxiously large but without it, I wouldn’t have that daily reminder of the fun I had with my girls. If you have adult children, whom you wish you saw more often, then you completely understand. This is one way I find the wins. It’s a Win/Win for me.
I work every day to find the wins.
I also coach others on finding the wins in day-to-day life.
Have you ever set a New Year’s resolution to lose weight or exercise more? We plan to work out 4 times a week and then by the end of January we are doing it once a week. Then we just stop. The reason we stop altogether is that we tell ourselves that exercising once a week is not a win. Don’t forget, we set a goal of doing it 4 times a week. The ‘Yeah But’ thought comes up. YEAH, I’m exercising once a week, BUT I set out to do it 4 times. Isn’t it interesting that even though we are now consistently exercising once a week when we didn’t do it all before, we tell ourselves it’s pointless and we stop? When we don’t find the wins we overlook the success we are having.
How do you eat an elephant?
A colleague brought this idea up the other day.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
How do you achieve a goal?
One win at a time.
When we set a goal and achieve part of it we often don’t see this as a win. We tell ourselves it’s not enough. Why do we do this? What is wrong with us? Firstly, I’d like to reassure you that nothing is going wrong when this happens. I can tell you that it’s just the way your brain protects you. Your brain thinks that if you change too much from who you are today then you are in danger. It sounds dramatic – but that is just the way our brains work. Our brains are not created to find the wins. Since the caveman days, we were programmed to find pleasure, avoid pain and make things easy. Back then imminent danger meant a tiger was about to eat you. Nowadays your brain sees change the same as it used to see the tiger – as a danger to your existence.
Change doesn’t look ‘easy’ to your brain, or as a win, until we work on reprogramming ourselves to see that as the case. As counterintuitive as it sounds sometimes– your brain wants to protect you from any possibility of failure which is sees as pain. So, from your brain’s perspective, you noticing these wins throughout the day could add up to you doing things differently than you have been. If we do things differently then we could be in danger of failing. Your brain does not want you to fail.
WHAT??
How do I get my brain to stop acting like a tiger is about to eat me every time I try to do something different?
One word.
Compassion.
Usually, we think of compassion as something to have for someone else. What if you cared for yourself like that?
Self-compassion: extending compassion to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering
Understanding that there is a natural way our brain works is the first step to avoid freaking out every time it happens or thinking there is something wrong with you. You can decide that you are going to take what your brain tells you with a grain of salt, a bit of compassion. Nothing is going wrong. Your brain is just protecting you.
Your brain doesn’t naturally find the wins.
For me, my morning routine is a win that I cherish but that also took time to build up to. I had all kinds of thoughts about it. Mornings are so quiet and I get so much more done in a shorter amount of time. I should be doing laundry or cleaning, I am being selfish, I should be doing something else. Some of these thoughts helped me but most were the ‘yeah but’ fear torpedoes that were trying to blow up my progress. I’ve learned over time to dodge those torpedos and see them for what they really are – my brain’s way of protecting me from discomfort. I had to see the wins as I developed this new habit. I had to remind my brain that the real discomfort came from not putting myself first.
One pound at a time…
When I lost 80 lbs I didn’t do it all at once. Losing weight happens one pound at a time. If you keep this idea in mind with whatever habit you might be trying to create then you will find yourself not giving up. Momentum will build with each new win you see.
I challenge you all to look for the ways you win every day. When we are compassionate towards ourselves and look for how we are succeeding then we will build our momentum. What are the small things that you do that look like not much on their own but are really a part of something bigger?
If you want to work on building your wins with me you can book an appointment to talk about it here.
